Mean Girls.

Hey y’all, it has been a minute. 

I don’t ever want to force myself to post on my blog, because it is a safe place for me to publish (some of) my journaling out loud for anybody that it may end up helping. That being said- there has been a topic on my heart and in my life a lot lately, that I wanted to process on here, with you. This topic is about the ever so lovely; mean girls. 

They. Are. Everywhere.

Always. 

No matter how old you get.

I have been seeing them a lot in my life and in the life of one of my favorite little girls a lot in the last few weeks or so- and let me tell ya, no matter how accustomed you are to mean girls, no matter how old and tacky their tricks are, sometimes they still hurt. Most of the time I can block out their antics, but let me tell you a secret- sometimes, they also get to me- and I cry. 

Crying is not a sign of weakness, and this is something that I took a long time to learn- because it can actually be the greatest sign of strength in some situations. I now know this about myself- when I cry- it’s because I was brave enough to put myself out there, despite the dreaded rejection that was a possible outcome. Anytime that you are brave enough to try something new or put yourself out there, there will be at least one person watching and waiting for you to fail. This is a fact. The fact that matters more, though, is that you are not willing to dull your sparkle or let them rain on your parade constantly. Like I said, sometimes I cry, but then I wipe the tears, fix my mascara, and move on with my day, stronger than I was a few minutes before. Mean girls should not make you feel embarrassed, if anything, you should feel embarrassed for them. Feel sad that the only way they think they can have friends is by whispering and excluding others. Feel sad that they think appearances matter more than what is in your heart. Feel sad that they will never get to know the beauty that you hold within, because they are too shallow to go swimming in the deep end with you. Feel these things, pray for them, and then move on. 

Easier said than done, right? 

Trust me, I know. 

I went through my fair share of bullying when I was in grades 5-8. It was one consistent group of girls, because I was blessed to go to a K-8 school (pros and cons, pros and cons). This was not light bullying either, it was pretty bad looking back. Teasing me for being a Christian (like some said they were), teasing me for not dating in fifth or sixth grade (because why would you want to- ew), making fun of the t-shirts and jeans I wore everyday because they knew I was insecure about my body, making a “Taylor Haters Club” where they would meet at a tree during lunch recess everyday and chant and discuss how much they hate me (WISH I was kidding, but that’s a true story), and it even included things like cyberbullying- posting my selfies with nasty things underneath, taking turns to comment things underneath that made them feel better about themselves (good thing my family friend was a police officer, right? ;)

And the best part of that is that I was friends with these girls, until one day I wasn’t. And I kept to myself, only hanging out with my one girl friend and two guy friends, and they still found reasons to not like me or pick on me.

My point in sharing all of this embarrassing stuff with you is to let you know that I get it. Sometimes you are just simply trying to exist and make it through day to day, and there will be people trying to cast stones your way- but pay them no mind. Stay on the course meant for you, and keep being who you are meant to be. I could have tried to match the energy of these girls, I could have clawed back, or tried to do/say nasty things in retaliation, but that would have made me just like them. And I knew that I did NOT want to be just like them. They made me sad, and they made me sad for them. I knew the personal lives of these girls, and knew they were carrying a lot of hurt that probably had almost nothing to do with me, but was projected onto me, nonetheless. So you know what I did to get back at them?

I prayed for them. 

I would pray by myself sometimes, and I would pray with my mom while crying a lot of times. This helped, believe it or not. Nothing helped more than going on to high school, though. Finally, high school. I will be free of them, and all they do and say, and life will be great until- oop- one of them is in my math class. Great. Oh- the other one swims with me- also great. The thing here, that I want to point out, is that this pack mentality they had, only kept them strong when they were together, because when I was individually with them, they were completely different girls. The one in my math class was just trying to survive, so I helped her. Only in class, and in small doses, but I would go sit with her and help her figure out the problems as I showed her what to do. I never got a thank you, but I also wasn’t expecting one. The girl that I swam with was one that I had always prayed for the most, she didn’t deserve any of the stuff she had been put through at a young age, but she could not control that. She was surprisingly apologetic as we swam together and began to talk here and there. 

I’m not saying they turned out to be citizens of the year, but I could see where my prayers were working, and their hearts were softening. And I went on to have an amazing high school experience, where I was never bothered by them again. 

The lesson here: pray for them. Always, always, always, pray for them. 

I know that you’re hurting, I know that when they whisper as you walk by, make snide remarks, or try to exclude you altogether, that it hurts. It happens as adults in the workplace too, trust me- but whatever you do, don’t let it crush your spirit. Cling to what is good, remember who you are, and know that they would not waste their time trying to dim a light that didn’t shine. You are radiant, you have a sparkle in your eye, and the light of God in your heart- do not replace what He says about who you ARE, with what they WANT you to be. 

Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44). 

You are loved, and you are valuable. You are meant to do great things. Even diamonds come with a little dirt sometimes. Wash it all off, and be who you are destined to be. 

xx,

Tay