Searching for Prince Charming
It happens a lot, believe it or not, where people will ask me “how do you always get good guys?” I also get told “You and Diego are perfect- I wish I had that.”
These comments and questions mean a lot, they’re so sweet. I have, though, always found it hilarious when I will give genuine answers and advice, and nobody follows it. Then they are seemingly confused about how they are in dead-end relationships and getting used repeatedly. Due to this I just want to write an open letter to any of my sisters out there struggling to find their prince, struggling to open up their heart to God, but giving it away to anyone else. If you’re hurt, heartbroken, struggling, lonely or looking for answers, I hope this helps you in some way, any way. It may be straight forward and slightly harsh, but it’s on my heart and I feel that somebody needs it.
To all my sisters searching for your prince charming:
God knows your heart's desires. In fact, God is The One who put them there. He knows that you deeply want to be a wife, a mother, and find true and everlasting love. God does not put pure desires, aligning with His word, in your heart to tease you and make you feel sad and lonely. Get close to God, closer than you think you are, and seek His kingdom for clarity in every situation. God is NOT the author of confusion. Listen to your gut. That little thing commonly called a “conscience” or a “gut feeling” is actually The Holy Spirit, guiding you and giving you hints. If the boy or romantic relationship you’re pursuing is creating problems with the loved ones around you, changing you into a person you’re not proud of and limiting your compassion for others, there is a good chance that relationship isn’t the one meant for you, the one God sent. If something isn’t sitting right with you when you are dating this person, if who they are isn’t sitting right with you, and if you’ve been in denial, ignoring God’s shouts of “it’s not this person!”, LISTEN TO THAT. LISTEN. That won’t go away and that won’t get better with time. You’ll either end up ignoring or distancing yourself from God and settle for someone okay, but not with a passionate heart for God, or you’ll be miserable in a desperate situation. I challenge you to choose the other path, choose what God is telling you, even if you don’t want to hear it. You may end up following God and gaining the joy of witnessing all that He’s ever had in store for you. Evaluate the person you are with. Closely. Do they pull you closer to God? Or do they push you farther away from Him? It’s one or the other. If you think there is a neutral position here, you’re terribly mistaken, my friend. If he doesn’t pull you closer to God, pay attention to that. Just because something is hard, doesn’t always mean it’s wrong. Just because something is easy, doesn't always mean it’s right. Diego and I never settled for a superficial and empty relationship. We strove for God together and fought for depth and intimacy in our relationship. We know everything about each other and didn’t settle for less. I encourage Diego in his faith as a Christian and more often, Diego encourages me in mine. We are fully known and loved together, and that is NOT easy. It for sure isn’t what Satan wants and you shouldn’t be blinded to Satan’s ways of confusing your heart and mind. Question yourself and be honest with yourself about what you have been encouraging, allowing, ignoring or disregarding things because of your “love goggles”. Life isn’t a romance movie. Grow up. Be real with yourself about who you are and who they are. Be real about the way your life is going. Don’t rush things. Marriage is NOT something you want to do with someone you are unsure about. Believe it or not, it only takes a little turbulence in a relationship to make those goggles fall off.
Enjoy where you are at but be honest about where you’re going. I laugh at how worried I used to be about finding someone from God to spend my life with. My husband came to me after years of already knowing him, only when I surrendered myself after a bad relationship and told God to guide me where He needed me. He led me straight into Diego’s arms. After that last relationship I made a “checklist for dating”. Things I didn’t want to compromise on ever again. I’m about to share it will y’all, and I think you would benefit from using this checklist yourselves, I truly do.
Honest. Does he go out of his way to speak the whole, complete and concentrated truth? (1 Corinthians 13:6)
Kind. Is he kind to all around him? (2 Timothy 2:24)
Selfless. Does he think of your needs and the needs of others before his own? Is he generous with others? (Ephesians 5:25)
Diligent. Can he be counted on? Is he a hard worker? (Proverbs 12:24)
Patient. Is he willing to wait for good things? Or does he feel entitled to them now and rushes everything? (1 Corinthians 13:4)
Courageous. Will he stand for what is right? Even when it’s difficult, embarrassing, or unpopular? Will he stand to protect you? (1 Corinthians 13:4)
Gentle. Can he control his strength and balance it with grace? (1 Timothy 3:2-3)
Submissive to Authority. Can he admit that he is not always right and be willing to change when others point that out to him in love? (Hebrews 13:7)
Respectful. Does he respect you and make you feel valuable in every way? (Ephesians 5:25-33)
Faithful. Is his reputation consistent with the character traits he reveals to you? (Proverbs 20:6)
Committed to Christ. Is God the focal point of his life? (Galatians 5:22-25)
I know this is a lot to take in. And it’s all easier said than done. Take this advice, or don’t, but know- this is what I did. This is what I recommend because it’s what God showed me and proved to me. It’s discernment, wisdom, and The Holy Spirit that will guide you forever, in TRUTH, if you let Him.
I hope you do. I hope you experience all that you were created for.
XOXO,
Tay